Twenty One Years

I moved to Seattle in 1996. The day I drove in was a beautiful Summer day in July. I had been out here six months earlier but that was winter and I had no idea the city was surrounded by mountains. The traffic, as soon as I got off I-5, was a mess. Turns out some artist planted his truck in Westlake Center with a giant anatomical heart in the bed as a statement to both the girlfriend who just left him, and the world who didn't appreciate his art. His name was Jason Sprinkle and he was a member of the Fabricators of the Attachment. This loose group of artist/agitators got their name when they attached a giant ball and chain to the Hammering Man outside of the Seattle Art Museum. They didn't really think things out too much in advance. They didn't apply for grants and they didn't give up their day jobs. I respect that.

Anyway, instead of finding a place to live downtown, I was forced to turn North and ended up in Queen Anne. I got a great, cheap place that overlooked Elliot Bay and the wife flew out a couple weeks later. We watched the Victoria Clipper and all the ferries and the cargo ships come and go, and heard of various sightings of several different kinds of whales, even though we never saw a single one. 

I'm not sure if this factored into her reason for leaving me, but, just for the record, we never saw a single fucking whale. I'm not saying she would have stayed, but the fact is, we never saw a single fucking whale. Not one.

I invited a friend (let's call her Tess) Tess from back home to come out for a visit to the beautiful Pacific Northwest. I told her there were mountains and whales and everything. She was a little reluctant 'cause Vanessa had only left me a couple months ago, but I assured her Vanessa was way over our ten year marriage. [See 'Hi! I'm Maggie' and 'Huggy Jesus' in the cookbook]

I planned a weekend trip to Victoria. I really needed to get out of town. My business, Boat Fetish, was in full throttle and I had eight guys working for me. Huggy Jesus [seriously, see 'Huggy Jesus'] was about to pop with a piece on CNN and a sales page on this new website called Amazon. 

I had to stay behind for a day and Tess went up to Victoria without me. About an hour into the trip aboard the Victoria Clipper, the ferry came to a stop. The captain announced they were surrounded by orcas, and they sat for twenty minutes while the killer whales breached and slapped their tales and made funny noises. 

This was on her second day in Seattle. I've been in Seattle for TWENTY ONE YEARS and I still haven't seen a single goddam whale. Not a minke, not a gray whale, not an orca, not a humpback or whatever they say is out there. Not one single whale.