Speeding Motorcycle

For all of the deep depression I've gone through in my stupid existence, there has been one thing that has kept me from taking my own life- the thrill of riding a motorcycle as fast as I can with the knowledge that it might be somebody else who pulls out in front of me and ends it all. 

I don't want to die, not at all. But I feel a rush when I'm speeding up and down Shilshole Ave. I feel full of life. I feel like I can't possibly go any faster, and it's sometimes scary as hell, but I ride that bike as fast as it will go. 

But the funny thing is that I don't feel reckless at all. I feel like I'm embracing life, right? What better way to embrace life than to hop on a bike and drive as fast as you can?