I'm making a concerted effort to smile more. So if you see me with a stupid grin on my face, please just ignore it. I'm still working on it.
Over the past couple of decades my face has been drooping down. There used to be a time when women would approach me in a bar and want to talk to me. Not anymore. Now women tell me that they were afraid to talk to me 'cause I looked grumpy.
I am totally not grumpy. I just don't walk around with a smile on my face like some people can. I need something funny to make me smile.
Tonight at work I practiced smiling, which some people thought was funny. But still, I can't really smile unless there is something that makes me laugh. My fake smile is horrible.
So now I am keeping the same two jokes going on in my head. One is a Ride the Ducks joke and the other is the funniest, most vile joke I know. See if you can guess which is which-
…and that piece of land over there is West Seattle. You know why they call it West Seattle? Because over here is most of Seattle and over there is the West of it!
Kills me every time. And-
What happens when you put a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I was masturbating.
That right there is the perfect joke. It's offensive on two levels AND it has a nonstandard joke structure. So if you see me smiling like an idiot for no reason, know that I'm thinking about one of these two masterpieces.