I'm making a concerted effort to smile more. So if you see me with a stupid grin on my face, please just ignore it. I'm still working on it.
Over the past couple of decades my face has been drooping down. There used to be a time when women would approach me in a bar and want to talk to me. Not anymore. Now women tell me that they were afraid to talk to me 'cause I looked grumpy.
I am totally not grumpy. I just don't walk around with a smile on my face like some people can. I need something funny to make me smile.
Tonight at work I practiced smiling, which some people thought was funny. But still, I can't really smile unless there is something that makes me laugh. My fake smile is horrible.
So now I am keeping the same two jokes going on in my head. One is a Ride the Ducks joke and the other is the funniest, most vile joke I know. See if you can guess which is which-
…and that piece of land over there is West Seattle. You know why they call it West Seattle? Because over here is most of Seattle and over there is the West of it!
Kills me every time. And-
What happens when you put a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I was masturbating.
That right there is the perfect joke. It's offensive on two levels AND it has a nonstandard joke structure. So if you see me smiling like an idiot for no reason, know that I'm thinking about one of these two masterpieces.
Some asshole kills over twenty people in a church with a military style weapon and we all wait for the NRA trump response. It turns out the guy was mentally ill, so, THERE IT IS!! It's not about access to semi automatic weapons that's the problem, it's the mentally ill!
Somehow, this is now about people like me.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder many years ago and I've been dealing with my shit. I'm on lithium, wellbutrin and adderal. It's been a tough ride but I'm still here and I could never hurt anybody, ever. I am overly empathetic and probably the least violent person you could ever meet.
But now, somehow, I'm the fucking problem. It's not the NRA and all the politicians who take their money (of the 260 congresspeople who took their money, 233 were republicans), it's not the gun owners who refuse any kind of common sense restrictions whatsoever, it's people like me.
Which is comical because people who have a mental illness are far more likely to be the victim of a crime than to commit one.
The problem, and it is the problem, is ammosexuality.
You ever talk to a gun enthusiast? They just LOVE to break their gun apart and 'clean' it. They rub on the barrel and it's probably the only way they can get an erection. Can't you just imagine them sitting in a dark room, crying while masturbating?
Fuck them. Fuck them and their selfish fetish. This isn't about a bunch of assholes trying desperately to maintain an erection. It's about people's lives.
It is absolutely NOT their right to own an AR-15. Ask any asshole what the first four words of the Second Amendment are. None of them will get it. The first four words are- A Well Regulated Militia. How many of these limp dicks are a part of a Well Regulated Militia? Not a fucking one.